


Stabilize Me

by xLenCatx



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Asylum, Developing Relationship, F/F, Fear, Insanity, M/M, Multi, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-20 09:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLenCatx/pseuds/xLenCatx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Insane, locked away and no one visiting for a long time is sure to make someone bitter and fearful of new things. But when a visitor arrives who knows what may happen, and what may change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Change

**Author's Note:**

> hey there, this is based of a mixture of rps ive had along with some of my own ideas thrown in there, the tags are liable to change as my ideas for this grow and im going to try and drag in as many characters as i can
> 
> hope you enjoy it!

Months.

Years.

Who knows how long its been.

You don’t know why you’re in here, you don’t remember anymore. There’s a lot of things you don’t remember. Like where you went to school, or what kind of house you lived in. You almost forgot what your home state was, hah, you quickly pulled that information back before it could escape you completely. You’ve even forgotten how old you are. That’s kinda sad. But it’s not like there’s anything you can really do about it now.

You forgot your name once. You remembered it the next time they talked to you. They, the white coats; or at least that’s what you call them.

You’ve been in high security for a long time. Almost as long as you’ve been in there, they moved you to medium security when you started biting and scratching others, they moved you to high security soon after when you started biting and scratching yourself…you had a few injuries from that which needed seeing to. For a good while you tested your straight jacket, pulling and pushing on the straps as much as you physically could. They were good, didn’t move an inch from it.

No one visits anymore, by your standards of time that is. In the beginning they all came, everyday, your friends that it. You figured they all gave up hope, didn’t believe you’d make any progress for the better. Just like the white coats who only come along to feed you, let you go to the bathroom and to make sure you haven’t escaped. 

You’ve come to fear change, you hate it too, you’ve changed for the worst and your friends…since they stopped coming you’re scared to know. You don’t want to know how much they’ve changed be it for better or worse the thought terrifies you more than you care to admit.

Most of your days and nights are spent lying around in your cell just waiting for time to pass you by. You’re tired but you don’t sleep, no, you can’t sleep...the white coats don’t let you, not since the first night, the nightmares causing you to crying out in pain and fear, cries that you heard described as blood curdling.

You hear a sound nearby, and turn to look in the direction of it. You assume it’s just a white coat, coming to feed you and dose you again to keep you awake, even though you wish so much to be ale to sleep. The foot steps stop at the door, there’s more than one pair, you can hear them echoing in the hall. The slot in the door slams open and the words are spoken sharply, but either way they intrigue you.

“You have a visitor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to know whos insane youre gonna have to stick around for chapter two B)


	2. Not Quite Expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first real conversation they've had in a long time and aside from awkward, it doesn't really go as how either party probably anticipated it would. But there does appear to be a step in the right direction, question is...will it last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now you find out who it is thats insane  
> thanks to everyone whos read, kudosd and bookmarked chapter one so far
> 
> and thanks for reading chapter two
> 
> enjoy!

“Hey, Dave.” The voice come quietly into the cell, the cushioned walls and floor softening the sound...you know that voice. You’ve heard it before, so many times. You shuffle towards the sound, struggling to your feet when you find the wall. “Still blindfolded I see…” He passively commented as you struggle to move around.

You did have your shades, till they were taken off you when you began to use them to scratch with and then they blindfolded you, for two reasons. One, it was better for your eyes. And two, after the first night when you slept, with the screams and such…your eyes just unnerved them, the white coats; maybe something touched to their superstitious side. Of course they knew about your albinism but you doubt they had expected it to the degree it was, it’s not like everyone with albinism is walking around with red eyes.

“Johnny boy,” You say as you hear the irregularity in the room and the breathing from beside you. “Welcome back after...oh so…tick...tock...long.” You hear him sigh, good, he should feel bad after leaving you here for...for…you don’t know, but you’re sure it’s been a long time and definitely much longer than he said he’d visit in.

You’re bitter and you know it.

There’s a silence for a few moments which is finally broken when John thinks of something to say. “How are you?” He asked, it wasn’t a response to you, good, good that means he knows he’s done something wrong, you can’t wait to make him admit it.

“Doing same, same as they always tell me.”

“What do they always tell you?”

“Crazy of course.”

“I meant how are you feeling.” He sighed. You pause, that question hasn’t been asked of you for a long time and you’ve forgotten all the possible answers. You sift though your mind, your thoughts and memories for a feeling you could say. And there is it. You don’t care what it means anymore, you just need something to say.

“Chill, always chill.”

  

“That’s...well, great.”

“What about you Johnny boy? Are you chill? Are you chiller than chill?”

John hesitates. “...I...don’t know...I don’t think so.” He finally answers, the uneasiness in his voice is obvious.

“Why?” You respond almost instantly. “Why not? You don’t want be chill with me?” He’s noticing the irregularities of your speaking and is hesitating again. Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s sympathy...which ever it is it’s annoying the hell out of you; why can’t he just answer already. He know’s your state, it shouldn’t make him so hesitant or have you really changed that much since you’ve been here?

“Because…” He begins slowly, you’d tap your finger on your arm but you’re currently incapable so instead you tap your foot. “...it’s a Dave Strider thing to be chill.” Dave Strider…you know that name…where from again…? “No one can do it like you.” ...Oh...you forgot again.

Your momentary memory lapse doesn’t effect the speed of your response though, the pressing concern for your memory is pushed to the side for later...it’s not like John’s going to be here forever. “Oooh, the little Johnny boy has a point, yes, so the new question forms...what do you feel then? Hm?”

“I feel…” He’s searching for his answer again. “...Stressed.” His voice goes a little solemn, like he’s grieving; but how he feels isn’t going to effect you. He abandoned you. For all you know he just wants to easy his guilt for leaving you alone for all this time.

“Aw, poor little Johnny boy. Stressed from pressure? Hm? Yes?” You ask thick with hidden sarcasm, after all what right does he have to be stressed, he’s not the one locked up and rarely spoken to. He’s not the one that’s had no sleep for what feels like eternity. He’s not the one who’s missing more than his fair share of memories. He’s not the one that’s lost his mind. “What pressure that stress the poor thing?” You’re pretty sure he missed the sarcasm, good, you don’t want him leaving just yet, you want to lay it on thick if he’s just going to end up walking out on you again. You want to hurt him so badly emotionally that he could end up crying for weeks.

“All the pressure…” He sighed before waving a hand slightly. “But we’re here to talk about you.”  

“Come now, I’ll play all nicey nicey if you tell me, tell me...No bitey like last…tick...tock...time.”  

“...Fine, Rose has been stressing me out.”

“Heh, heh, stresses people a lot, yes. Could be why, just possibly why I snapped. Snap. Snap. Yes, that’s what I did...but Johnny boy, hm, how is she doing it to you?” You’re pretty sure you heard John mumble something as you spoke, but ignored it.  

“...She’s just worried about you.” You hold in a laugh and frown a bit, that’s not true, it can’t be, she would have visited. “She gets stressed a lot herself...and then takes it out on other people.” You remember that, ‘other people’ used to be you cause you were the only one that would ask and take it at face value.

“Yes, yes, does that all passive aggressive, mmhmm. Mixes it in with that psycho analysis, yes, does it well she does.”  

“Yeah, she does.”

“But what about Johnny boy, hm, does he worry?”

“Worry about you? Yeah, I worry about you.” He sounded almost honest and heart felt, not that you believe it, not for a second.

“Aw, how sweet.” You say laced with sarcasm. He doesn’t say anything so you decide to continue. “So you got me, I play nicey nice, teeth away from you, no bitey.”

“Thank you for that.” You roll your eyes, you don’t care that they’re hidden.  

“So what you come to talk about, hm?”

  

“I just...came to see you.” He said, it was that same tone of voice and it made you sick. Who did he think he was fooling, maybe he was just full or regret, or guilt or even sympathy but his answer like that...you can’t believe that. “I wanted to see my best friend.”

“And here I am, always am, but Johnny boy don’t have to force himself, no no, not for old times sake. I know you force yourself, it’s obvious, it’s just for show now, isn’t it?”  

“...No.” You can hear the slight rustling of clothing as he shakes his head...or at least that’s what you assume he’s doing. “I...I’m here for you, I want to see you…” You go silent for a moment, skeptical of his reasons.

  “Why?” You ask. “Who would want to see this. This broken boy, this broken toy…” You pause for a moment. “This broken…” You pause again, holding onto the last word for a few moments. “...puppet.”

“Me.” He states it so bluntly that it takes you a little by surprise. You hear him take a deep breath, oh god what little speech is he going to spurt out, or is he just going to sigh and leave? You hope for the latter of the two. “I love you, even if you don’t want to see it, I’ve loved you since forever and I wont stop. Dave, you’re still the same. Sure, you’re a little...messed up right now, but you can always get better. I wont give up on you.”

  

“Little? Johnny boy, Johnny boy, Johnny boy, I’m more messed up than Easter at Christmas. Just give up, like the rest, everyone else. Yes, they’ve all given up.”  

“I wont.”

  “Lalonde and Harley don’t visit no more.”  

“I can’t give up on you.”  

“They’ve given up.”  

“But they were never as close as we use to be…what I hope we still are…They don’t feel the same way I do…”

“And what...would that be, hm?”

“...I don’t know anymore, but I feel it in my gut…”

“That’s your insides, telling your to run...they know you should, they’re right too.” You’re getting tired of this, you just want him out, gone, away from you.

“They aren’t though...they’re telling me to never leave…” You freeze, you’re not sure what to think anymore and once again you’re confused. You thought you had this all mapped out in your head, the reasons and how the returning conversations would go if they ever happened. But John…he just with one line blew that all out of the water and left you with no clue. You’re beginning to feel a bit of regret for how you’ve acted since he arrived but that’s done now.   


You feel like you should make it up to him, at least make his journey not a wasted one…what ever would classify as that. You think in the silence that is fast progressing into an awkward one.

“Say Johnny boy…”  

“Yeah?”

  “Today you come inside, hm? Said would last time, then I bitey bitey and you left. Left for a long...tick...tock...time…”

“...Do you want me to come inside?” He was hesitant in answering and sounded uneasy about the suggestion.  

“Yes, yes, company good right, hm? You want to right? You do, don’t you?” You urge and you realize that part of you just wants to have real human contact again, not just for an injection or for being fed, you realize how much you want someone there with you just to talk, to communicate with...to put a hand on your shoulder and say in a way that even you might believe that everything will be alright. You don’t verbalize your thoughts, you just keep them to yourself as usual.

“Yeah I do. I will. Just...don’t bite…” You can still hear the hesitance, but you ignore it.

  “Promise. No bitey bitey, like said, I’ll play nicey.” You hear him sigh, is that him being fed up...or giving up…or giving in and actually going to come inside…?

“Alright. I’ll go have them let me in.” You hold in a smile.

“Good good.”

“Okay. I’ll be right in, alright?”

“Yes yes, then get you see properly unlike me, not just through stupid barred window on door. Door window stupid.”  

“Yes I will.” You hear him sigh again. “Dave...you know they’re going to watch us…?” 

“Yes yes, but always watch, always. Watching, waiting, seeing what I’ll do next. Seeing how further gone I’ll go, yes.” You know they always watch and observe you, you hear them talking a lot, and other than your own breathing or kicking around its the only other sound you’re used to hearing; until today you hadn’t even heard the sound of your own voice for a long time.

“I’ll be right back, okay?”  

“Kay kay. Yes yes. Good good.” You crack with you can only guess is a slight smile.  

“Five minutes max.” You hear his voice become a little quieter as you hear his step away from the door, you only hope that he comes back. You wait a bit longer and you hear his footsteps stop, followed by quiet talking that you can’t make out no matter how hard you try to hear whats being said. 

Maybe he’ll be leaving…

Maybe he’ll be coming back.

You hope he’s coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter may become a long one  
> just bare with my its going to get more interesting as it goes  
> i keep noticing it doing weird things to the chapter like adding larger gaps or totally taking them away...out of my options i think i prefer the larger gaps...


	3. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John get's to see Dave properly for the first time in years. Not just through some slot in a door, no, but actually sat with him in his cell. And though still bitter, Dave learns how much he's still in his friends hearts, and that he's far from forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow im sorry for taking so long with this, just got tied up with things happening  
> and the next few chapters may start taking a little longer to write  
> but please bear with my because i promise that i will get them done as fast as i can

You remain motionless as you listen intently and you can feel the time pass by, though you’re not sure how many. It’s some time before you hear footsteps again and you try your hardest to figure out if they’re returning to you or if they’re moving away to leave.

“Step away from the door.” You hear ordered by a stern voice, you back away quickly in relief almost stumbling over your own feet. You keep moving till you find yourself bumping into the back wall of your cell...ok that’s definitely far enough.

There’s the loud sound of a door unlocking followed by the sound of it slowly opening. You don’t move and hope that it’s definitely John coming in, listening for something of him, his voice or just something of him. Hesitant muffled footsteps reach your ears and you’re sure it’s him, the white coats a much more confident and cocky about the way they walk. You hear the door close and lock behind the one that entered. You slump to the floor, resting against the wall as the footsteps approach, fabric on fabric and then you can feel a close presence. 

“Hey, Dave.” You hear John’s voice again, it’s soft and gentle as he speaks and something warm presses to your cheek. What is that? It covers your cheek nicely and slightly covers your lips. A cheek? No, that wouldn’t be right...a hand? Yes, that must be it. John must have placed a hand to your cheek. You freeze and feel strange not responding to the action, something in your mind clicks and changes.

You’re not the same.

“You’re…looking better than I expected.” He said calmly, you expected him to be smiling on saying this, it seemed like something he’d do.

“Well well, how bad you expecting? Dying? Heh, that would be fun, fun indeed.” You half muse aloud, grinning slightly and rocking around a little.

“...Don’t say that. Please…” He sounds upset and he removes his hand from your face, you tilt your head slightly. Was that something wrong to say?

“Why not? Wouldn’t it be fun? Fun to die.” You question, into the darkness of your vision, knowing that at John was there, he could feel the lingering heat of John’s hand on cheek, sure that he was close. “Don’t you agree?”

“...No...it wouldn’t…”

“No? Why no?” You hear him sigh and suspect that he’s gathering his thoughts.

“Because…living is...good...and I like being alive. And seeing you alive...those are good things to me…” He sounds saddened and you regret the topic being brought up in the first place.

“Does...death...scare you? Hm?” You ask slowly, 

“Yes...it does.” You hear movement and a sniffle. “I don’t know what to do anymore…” You tense a little, a twang of fear going through your chest as you fear you may have said too much wrong. You huddle up more and pull your knees close.

“Giving up? Giving up? Knew you would, said you would.” You question, hoping that he’d prove you wrong...you wanted him to visit more. You hear him shift and sniffle again and you keep waiting but he doesn’t answer. “…Tick...tock...this has been your longest stop…” You decide to say after a while and go by your estimated length time for how long John had been there. You once again hear slight movement.

“Yeah...it has. I guess...I really needed to see you today…” He sighs heavily.

“Something happen? To make the...tick...tock...time pass away? Into longest stay? Hm?’

“...I had a nightmare last night…” From what you remember the white coats saying, you have nightmares every night, why do other people become troubled by theirs when you don’t recall or are even able to worry about them.

“Not fair, nightmares belong here. Here with me where they always are...or so told, or so told.” You pause and tilt your head a little, you’re finding yourself curious as to why he was troubled enough by a nightmare to return and visit…it’s not fair that it was the cause. “May I pry, may I pry? Curious. What happened?”

“I made a deal with the devil…I gave up my sanity for yours, but the devil lied. He killed me to give you your sanity...so...I guess it wasn’t really a nightmare…I just woke up in pain…” He explained slowly, and you can hear the shaky and uneasiness in his voice, like the dream truly terrified him.

“What pain? Where pain?”

“My heart. My brain.” You don’t know how to respond and there is a silence. It’s extending, neither of you know what to say and it begins to make you uneasy. You start to rock slightly where you sit and try to thing of something to make conversation on.

“Maybe…” John breaks the silence sounding hesitant. “Next time I visit…I’ll bring a book to read to you…a nice book. And each visit...I’ll read a little more…” He offered softly. You go quiet and think it over before nodding, you’ve found yourself enjoying John’s company.

“Yes, yes, tell me and read, yes, yes.”

“...I’d bring pictures too…but I wouldn’t be able to show you...would I?” He asks and you shake your head, you don’t want your eyes seen, not again. You don’t want John to know or to react, no you don’t ever want that.

“Maybe tell, talk and talk, say what’s...changed…tell what missed, yes? Of you? And those who used to visit, Harley and Lalonde, the two that gave up.” Your tone turns slightly bitter again as you speak of Jade and Rose but you doubt that they’re ever going to visit again and you hate them for it. They were the first to stop.

“...They do love you…” John said quietly but you turn away, not wanting to hear it. He sighed. “...Rose got married too…” He added, to change the topic.

“She did…? Lucky….lucky Lalonde...lucky lucky lucky…”

“Yeah, she wears a locket with your picture in it, doesn’t take it off.” He took a small breath. “And Jade…she got your name and birthday tattooed on her, in red, because you like red.” He sounds so nostalgic as if it had happened so long ago you can almost feel the smile in his words, but your face remains stoic as he speaks, your bitterness for them still strong.

“How sentimental.” You remark, throwing in as much sarcasm as you can.

“...They didn’t give up, Dave…they got busy. They want to be here every day…”

“Did not have to…stopped coming, no explanation, no reason...just...stopped. Gone...and...tick...tock...time went by…” You practically snapped, letting your bitterness get the better of you.

“...They wrote letters, but I’m assuming you don’t get them…” You shake your head, you don’t remember getting any letters ever. You hear him sigh lightly. “I’m...supposed to give them to your doctors...so that the can give them to you…”

“Probably kept from me…always keep things from me…” You say, a little like a petulant child.

“I...have their letters today…do you want me to read them to you?” You turn your head towards his voice, you’re curious but you’re not sure if you should say yes or not. It takes you a long while to think about it but you finally come to a decision.

“Yes, yes.” You nod. “Do.” You hear a rustling sound and you suspect he’s reaching into his pocket for the letters. You hear the crackling of paper and old familiar scents hit your nose.

"Dave, I hear you've been doing well. John has been giving good reports when he returns home. I'm sorry I haven't been there to see you. I've been writing a lot and my wife has been traveling and it's just been difficult to get out there, I'm sorry. I miss you, you know. I wish you'd come home, meet my daughter. You would love her, she has your messy hair and your grin, but that's beside the point right now. I know the doctors haven't been giving you my letters. It's because I've been telling you that that place isn't what you need. You need to go to a different safe place. The one you're at is not good, it doesn't take care of you how you need. I will be there to pick you up next week. I'm going to help you David. All my love, Rose." The smell of Rose’s perfume hits your nose, it’s that strange smelling one as usual that you always hated.

“...She wrote that? Scritchy scratchy...with a pen?”

“Yes. It’s in her girly handwriting...and she kissed the back, she kisses every letter.”

“...Taking me out…out the white coat place? Really for the best…?” You’re worried, that means leaving, that means change.

“She’s taking you somewhere better. Be honest, do you think this place is helping…?” 

“This place has given up on this broken boy.” You respond bluntly, not giving it a second thought.

“Exactly, I’ve visited this new place. It’s comfy and everyone is nice.” You can hear that his tone of voice has picked up. He sounds excited and really happy about this change happening. “It’s also closer to us than this place so we can visit you more.” You nod a little, taking in the information. “Want me to read Jade’s note next?” He asked.

“Yes, yes.” There’s another rustling sound which is then followed by a soft thud as something hits the floor.

“Oh jeez.” You tilt your head curiously. “She put skittles in the envelope.” You nod and hear more rustling, you figure that he’s opening the letter.

"Dave. How are you? John says that you're doing awesome. But I want to make sure he's not lying like the asshole he is.” He pauses, you can’t figure out why. “Rose says she's going to bring you to a place that's closer than you are now. I really hope I get to see you, Because I miss you. I got a dog, too!.I named him strider after you, because he's all blonde like you are. I really hope you're doing okay. And...well..I'm sorry I haven't seen you. I've been busy with work, but I promise I'll stop by tomorrow. I hope you're okay with that, because I know it's been a while but I really want to see you. I have to go since John's leaving, what a prick not giving me enough time, but I'll be there tomorrow, okay? Okay. Love you, Dave. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, Jade." He actually reads out all the x’s and o’s and you almost laugh at him for how silly it is to do.

“Sounds same. Excitable. Same. Guess Harley always same.” 

“Is it a bad thing? To be the same?”

“No, no, same good, same not different, same…safe…” You don’t really like change, especially not after being here so long, you’re not sure if you want to even go to this new place Rose was talking about, you hear him sigh.

“...You can’t alway be the same though, sometimes...change has to happen.”

“No, no. Change bad. I changed, bad change.”

“...I’ve changed.” He retorts, you didn’t expect him to go there. “Am I bad?” You have to think it over for a while before you can finally give an answer.

“...No…” And that’s all you say on the matter. It falls silent again for a while before he picks the conversation up again with another change of topic, you’re thankful for that since you don’t really have much to talk about...you have questions, yes, but you wouldn’t want to ask them, you’d rather not know.

“When Rose picks you up...do you want me with her?” He asks calmly and you nod almost instantly, Rose hasn’t been around in a long time and you know how bitter you’ve become about that, at least if John’s there she doesn’t have to talk to you so much.

“Yes, yes.” You hear him thinking for a moment, you know he is because you can hear that usual humming he always does when he’s thinking about something that he wants to pipe up about but not sure if he should. He does anyway.

“Could Jade come too? So we can all be together for a little?” He doesn’t really ask more of suggests. You surprisingly like the sound of that idea, it would be like times since passed, most that you don’t really remember but you it’s still an idea that appeals to you.

“...Yes...yes…like good times, like old times…yes.” You hear the crackling of paper again and you presume he’s putting the letters away and then theres a new sound, like packaging of some kind but not paper…plastic? no...what was it?

“You want to eat the skittles?” He asks and that sounds make sense, it was the skittles. “I can feed them to you.” He offered, well it’s not like you could eat them yourself anyway. You nod a slight amount, finding it would be a nice difference from the usual food he had to eat. You hear more rustling, noisier but then quieter. “Open.” He commands and you obey, opening your mouth. Soft, slim fingers press against your lips as one of the small sweets are slipped into your mouth. 

“You know,” He pipes up again as you chew on the sweet. “In this new place, there’s a room where we could have sleep overs…but you’d have to be on your best behavior.” He tells you, it sounds interesting to you but you’re not sure you’d want to, but you nod as you listen. You open your mouth periodically and each time John slips another sweet in each time. “They have a long program that’ll help you get better. They’ll help you there and me, Rose and Jade...we’d all be able to visit more.” He says, his tone turning cheery again, he was really excited about you going there.

“If get better…I go free? Yes? Hm?” You ask, wondering what would happen if this program worked and you got better. What would you do in the world outside? You’re not sure you could manage it.

“Yeah. I think you will.” He replied, it’s not the response you want to hear. “I mean, you’d have to live with one of us…but you’d be free…” You nod a little, you still didn’t like the idea. “We all want you to get better, then you can meet Rose’s wife, Kanaya, and Jade’s super cute puppy.” He talks in that way again, the one where you’re sure that he’s also smiling as he speaks. There’s another silence, it’s less of an awkward one like before…it was more like a content silence where neither of you have to speak. 

“Do you want me there when Jade visits tomorrow?” He asks after a while.

“Dunno, dunno, could bite, cant scratch...not anymore...arms tied...but biting, can bite…” 

“...Should I be there just in case?” He asks, you’d prefer it if he was there and he just talked to Jade around you, just let you listen since it’s all you can do. If that was the case then you could only talk if you chose too on on the odd times you were talked to but the main conversation was not yours to have. You’d learnt this from John being here that a decent conversation was not really a thing you could keep up right now. But you still nod, with him there there was more of a chance you would be talked to less. “Alright, I’ll make sure to be here with her then.”

Again another silence and you tilt your head back as if you were looking at the ceiling. You know you can’t see it but sometimes you try to picture it since you don’t recall what it looks like. Was it padded like the rest of the cell? Was it painted plain white? Or was it decorated with pictures? You try imagining these things once again but you find yourself unable too as John’s breathing distracts you. You sigh and try to think of something to say.

“...Out, out in open…what season?” You ask, you’re pretty sure you can’t even remember what the sky looked like…

“It’s summer. It’s really bright and warm outside and people aren’t wearing enough clothes and are doing dumb things.” He replied and you nod a little and try to picture it…but you can’t.

“Summer…” You muse quietly and try to remember. Summer. Summer. Summer. Summer…no, nothing. You have no recollection of any summer that you may have possible witnessed. Wait, there was something, not really a memory…just a fact. “Sun…I burn in that, all roasty-toasty...go all pink and red where exposed…” You hear John laugh a little at the idea of it, you figure he’s never seen you sun burnt before.

“You could use sun screen.” He suggested and you shrug, you don’t even recall ever using it or if it worked. You hear him shuffle around again and then pause and then shuffle again, you don’t know what he was doing. “We’ve only got a few more minutes…” You hear him sigh. “Then they’ll kick me out.”

“But back tomorrow?”

“Yes, with Jade…and we’ll bring more candy, yes?” You nod quickly, the sweet taste of the candy was nice.

“Yes, yes.”

“And then next week, Rose is going to get out of of here…I’ll visit again before then though.” You nod again, slower this time, as you listen. And then there’s a knock on the door of the cell…well it’s more of a thud but it’s a metal door, knocking isn’t something that’s easy to do quietly on there. “...I have to go.” He says and you hear shuffling as you suspect he’s getting to his feet...you don’t want him to go but you know he wont be allowed to stay. You hear his muffled footsteps across the pads of the cell, heading towards the door. He stops. “We’ll be here tomorrow early.” He says.

“Promise? Promise me? Hm?”

“Promise, tomorrow, early in the morning. Bye...Dave.” He sounds….you’re not sure how to describe how he sounds...it’s sad but not upset and it confuses you a little.

“Later, always later.”


	4. Jade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day that Jade finally come back and visits again, not that Dave's really paying attention to the conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologise with my slow update rate, i didnt know how to advance the chapter for a while and then things just kept getting in the way  
> i promise that i will see this story through no matter how long it takes me, even if writing the chapters takes me forever to actually get ideas for it will happen  
> ill do my best to put information on how the chapter is progressing on my tumblr(xlencatx) or when something is delaying it  
> but with that aside, enjoy the chapter!!

Tomorrow feels like forever away, then again…that’s how everything feels. The passing of time is warped to you. When something happens, the times you get interaction with others; to be fed or to give you injections…they don’t last very long. John’s visit, that didn’t last long, or at least it didn’t feel like long to you. But…those times in between…the waiting alone as every slow second passes by and all you have is muffled conversations outside, footsteps down the hall or the pure unnerving silence in the darkness. You resort to your usual habit of finding one of the corners of the cell and curling up in it whist you wait for the next time you get visitors.

You’re not sure if you’re looking forward to this or not…

Inevitably tomorrow comes and you find yourself waiting for Jade and John arrive. It’s not long since you’ve been fed that you hear their two voices echoing down the hall. Jade’s voice hasn’t changed much since the last time you heard her speak, the same high pitched giggle when she laughed and that ever present happiness and enthusiasm rung through the hall and you listen for a moment, beginning to experience a feeling of nostalgia. Your mind begins to reach back into its memories, looking for a lost memory, you can almost feel it finding one - You stop that thought dead in it’s tracks and drag your thoughts back to the present. Nostalgia was not something you were interested in, and you weren’t about to begin having flashbacks now.

Instead you focus on their footsteps, listening as they draw closer. Maybe talking to Jade wouldn’t be so bad, she doesn’t sound like she’s any different than she used to be and it’s not like you could see any other differences that there could be.

You hear the footsteps stop outside the door and listen as you hear hushed talking from the other side of the door. Jade’s gone quiet and John is speaking but you can’t quite catch what he’s saying, just the muffled sound of his voice from outside. There’s soon a loud clank of metal, the hatch in the door opening and then there’s silence again for a few moments before the hatch clanks shut. The muffled sound of jangling keys and then there is it that loud metallic thud as the dar across the door is moved to unlock the door properly. And then you almost brace yourself for impact…that’s what Jade would do, right? Go straight in for the kill of a hug.

But nothing, no talking, no loud squeaks of giggles or thundering footsteps leading up to a hug. For most other people they would describe it as silence, but you’re used to picking up the smaller sounds. Two pairs of shuffling feet across the floor approach you, the faint sound of breathing and the sound of fabric brushing against fabric…denim and…quite possibly the swishing of a skirt.

“Hey Dave…” It’s John, his voice is soft and hushed; probably due to the silence of the place, his voice getting a little closer as he sits down what you believe is not far in front of you. The thought of leaning forwards and biting him tempts you, after all he shouldn’t be that hard to locate. You part your lips slighting, showing your teeth a tiny bit. But you stop yourself. Please, it would be much more fun to bite the girl that hasn’t shown herself for much longer.   
“Heeey.” You respond, the tone of your voice slipping up in the middle making it into an almost sing-song way of greeting.

“Jade’s here with me, she’s been looking forward to seeing you.” John says and you shift slightly, you know damn well that’s a lie, she’s probably frightened as hell and for a good damn reason too.  “Hey.” You hear her squeak quietly, the sound of her nervousness and fear coming across clearly in her voice. It’s almost funny, you’re the one tied up and yet she’s scared; you feel a smirk pulling at your lips as that thought moves through your mind. You hear a slight patting sound on the floor and then there’s the shifting sound of that swishy fabric and you assume Jade has joined you and John on the floor.

You don’t really pay much attention as John tries to strike up a conversation which get’s him and Jade softly talking again…it’s something about this place, something that makes people other than those that work here talk quietly. Time passes, you’re not quite sure how long, you’re never sure how long, but the conversation between the two has been a long one with you adding in side comments on things they’re talking about when you actually pay attention to what they’re saying…you don’t really feel like talking all that much anyway.

You lean back against the wall for the most of the time and think about the things you usually sit around and think about, though a lot of the time you don’t really think about much. And suddenly there’s a hand on your shoulder and you jump, you’re not sure if it’s John or Jade but the touch was gentle.

“Sorry…” You hear John whisper from beside you and you turn in his general direction. “We’ve got to go.” He continues. You guess they’ve been there a while…probably.

“Yeah, I’ve got work to do.” Jade says, just that phrase coming from her seemed wrong, work and Jade never seemed like a combination that would ever work…or at least from the point of your memory it didn’t. However, you nod slightly if not a little sloppily as your head lolls to one side slightly as you bring it back up.

The two of them say goodbye and leave you alone. In silence. God do you hate the silence, it’s suffocating and it leaves you with a unnerved feeling inside where you swear you hear sounds you’ve heard places before. But you can’t rid yourself of the silence, last time you tried to do that the white coats came and made you quiet. It makes you somewhat miss the background noise of John and Jade talking.

So now you just stay quite and try to focus on something but then you’ll hear it again and again. That sound that always comes back. And you find yourself with only one way to explain it.

A sound from your nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have an idea of whats happening in the next chapters but they may either end up having one short and and one longer or i might merge the two chapters into one...i guess ill see how it goes


	5. Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose finally drops by and it's time for Dave to be moved, but leaving his padded cage is not all that much of a welcoming idea to Dave. Mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a while. I had some writers block for a while and then finals (still one more exam to go) and since I just couldn't sleep last night I somehow felt ready to sit here and actually write again and this is what I have to present you. I apologise for the wait, but even if it takes me a long time to write these I swear that everything I upload will eventually be finished.  
> Just please bare with me.  
> And of course, ENJOY!

A lot of time has passed, no one visited again.

Tick, tock.

Rose said she’d be here. But then your mind is already doubting that everything so far had even happened. 

Tick, tock.

Were they really here? No, of course they weren’t. It was your mind again, it lies to you a lot from what you’ve been told, not that you remember. You never seem to remember the lies, it’s just like the nightmares that you only remember in echo.

Tick, tock.

You scream loudly and lash out. Which smart asshole thought it would be a good idea to leave a clock lying around. If you weren't already the sound would be driving you insane. You scream again to block out it’s sounds, kicking your legs around wildly; as if that act alone could end up breaking and silencing that awful sound. It’s not even the sort of electronic sound of modern clocks, no, this was the mind numbing sound of cogs and gears turning.

Tick, tock.

You hear the faint sound of running from down the hall but the sound is all but drowned out by your screams asking to make that irritating sound stop. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock. Over and over and you hate the sound of it completely. 

Tick, tock.

There’s speaking outside of your room which is followed by the door opening, you’re too busy writhing around on the ground to take any notice of it, kicking the heels of your feet off of the wall beside you.

Tick, tock.

“Dave, you need to calm down.” The voice of a woman says as a warm but firm hand catches your cheek, you gasp and are momentarily startled before you make an attempt at pulling away. The hand remains against your cheek and holds your face still despite your squirming but you soon fall still, one foot still pressed up against the wall. Nor do you continue to scream, only murmur your plea to make the ticking stop and you’re pretty sure that there are tears in your eyes in you’re agitated state. Only their effort to fall was hindered, being caught up by the blindfold and leaving the rest of your face dry.

Tick, tock.

“Better.” She comments and you know that tone of voice. The same one used whenever you ranted about something trivial and then proceeded to pick apart your problems and dreams. Rose. She always did use your preferred name of choice whenever she knew you were at a sensitive moment…which presently is always. “Now, tell me what it is you’re so fussed over being stopped.”

Tick, tock.

You don’t answer immediately, instead taking note that her voice is different…matured. It unsettles you and you fidget wanting the voice you know so well back. 

Tick, tock.

“…Tick, tock, stupid clock…won’t shut up…IT JUST WONT STOP!” You end up yelling the last part to make sure you drive you message home and kick your legs again. There’s silence and then you can hear Rose sigh gently as she gently brushes her thumb back and forth across your cheek.

Tick, tock.

“Dave dear, it’s just a hallucination, there is no clock.” She says softly, clearly trying to soothe you.

Tick, tock.

“Liesss.” You hiss bitterly. She must be lying. She has to be.

Tick.

She’s silent for a moment and by the quiet hum she makes she’s thinking; and frowning, she always did do those to things together frequently when faced with a puzzle and apparently that’s exactly what you are to her now. “Listen Dave, I’m here to take you to some place new. If there is a real clock, it’ll go away when we leave. No one carries around a clock that ticks so loudly it would be irritating, that would be an absurd thing to do.” You understand what she’s getting at here but you don’t like it, it’s like you’re being accused of being crazy all over again…though being here you technically are.

Tock.

Your eyebrows press together furiously, you don’t like that though. Neither of them. You feel the muscles in your face twitch for a moment before you twist your head quickly and bite Rose’s wrist, you don’t like being accused of being crazy not even implied. Nor do you want this change of location it wouldn’t do well for you, you know it and you know what’s best for you.

Tick.

You hear her hiss with the pain and feel her arm attempt to pull away but the grip of your teeth is too strong, You smirk at this, well less smirking and much more like bearing your teeth with a dark snide grin. She stops fighting against you immediately and this only serves to annoy you more. “You’re hurting me David.” She says rather frankly. Way to point out the obvious there.

Tock.

You hear movement outside the room again before it stops soon after, usually you would have been pried off your victim by now and you can only guess what has prevented that would have been Rose making a sign for them not to.

Tick.

You remain holding your grip on her wrist, not all that sure what would satisfy you more; to let her go and bite her again or to bite down hard enough to draw blood. At this point it’s a battle of wills.

Tock.

You once again hear footsteps down the hall, you could probably guess who it would be, but you ignore it mostly as you continue to contemplate how to get the most satisfaction.

Tick.

“Dave!” John’s voice loudly pierces the room a reprimanding tone to his voice, he was trying to be the same. You appreciated that. He always let you know when you’d gone too far, usually with sharp words and a long stare just to make sure you knew you’d been a completely ass about something. You quickly let go of Rose’s hand and shift to pretend like you were not in the wrong here. You don’t know why, you just do. Her hand does not return to your face.

Tock.

You hear Rose, John and Jade exchange pleasantries. John’s hand soon rests on your shoulder, you know it’s his cause of his long fingers. God damn those piano hands. You feel more comfortable like that. John’s more familiar in the present than the rest of them. He’s visited more. You lay on the floor blankly for a few…something….minutes you think.

Tick.

John squeezes your shoulder lightly and your attention snaps back to him. “Dave, I thought we’d agreed no biting.” He says, sounding like he was repeating himself. You’re sure he wasn’t.

Tock.

“Only you and only I, with no one else that promise lie.” You respond, lolling your head back and forth across the floor.

Ti- “Come on, we should get going with taking Dave to his new home.” Jade piped up, sounding somewhat excited about it. There’s a mutual agreement excluding yourself. You don’t get consulted. You don’t get a choice.

“Alright, Jade, if you could help John take him to the car, I’ll collect his personal things and sort out the last few odds and ends.” Rose says somewhat authoritatively before you hear movement, the door opening and closing and footsteps walking away.

“Let’s go, Dave.” Jade chirps. “I’m sure you’ll like this new place, it’s much more normal than this place.” You grumble and are stubbornly reluctant when she and John try to get you to your feet. They eventually get you up and support you under your bound arms and around your back so that they can guide you to where they want you to go. You stumble as you walk, uneasy about your blind steps. It would be so much easier for them if they had freed your arms to support you. It would be so much easier to hurt them too. You don’t argue against them, Jade was especially impossible to argue with.

You can’t tell how far you’ve walked and it’s making you uneasy, John and Jade don’t speak as the focus on getting you outside, the soundings of the hallway changing as you pass cross sections and doorways; you tilt your head slightly trying to get a better listen of them, not that there was much point they were mostly silent after all.

You halt all progress when a door is opened in front of you and a chill washes over your cheeks and ankles. Wind. Real wind. It’s so long since you’ve felt it that it’s very very refreshing. You’re nudged forwards by one elbow and you take the hint to keep moving. You stop again once you exit the building and let yourself feel the wind on your skin. It’s warmer out here. You feel the heat from the sun pressing down on you and it’s so different to what you’ve been used to for all these years. But it’s good. The wind picks up slightly and sweeps through your hair. It feels long as it’s knocked around in the breeze. Even if you can’t see it, you decide that you need a hair cut.

You don’t notice when Rose quietly rejoins the group, John and Jade having let you stand there and feel the outside world again. Quiet words are had so as not to disturb you, Rose and Jade slip off to get the car, allowing you more time to just stand and feel the air. There’s suddenly something blocking the breeze and you frown.

“Close your eyes.” You hear John instruct softly from in front of you.

“No point you see, eyes are hidden completely.” You retort and wish he would just move.

“Dave, c’mon just close them, or don’t you want to see the world again?” He asks and you stall, unsure of what he was getting at. You comply to his whim and close your eyes beneath the blindfold, but you don’t respond to him. “Did you close them?” He asks a moment later. You just nod. You feel him shift closer to you and his arm extending around the back of your head. He’s doing something. What is he doing? You realize what he’s doing when you see flashes of light from beneath your eyelids. It’s still dark, but not the same pitch blackness that you’re used to. You feel the blindfold being slipped away and then replaced with something so familiar to you it was like a second skin or the clothes you used to wear. Shades. You knew exactly which ones. Rose had obviously collected them. “There you go, good as old.” John practically laughs at his completely shitty joke, but it helps make you feel better.

You slide open your eyes and even thought you gaze through the tinted material on your face you still immediately squint at the bright sunlight. 

It’s been so long since you’ve seen the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally to those of you that have left comments, bookmarked, kudos'd or even took the time to read my work I am VERY grateful to you all!!  
> I read every comment and I thrills me when I see that someone else has taken interest in my work!!


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